Feelings While Being A Captive(Retemption Of Marek TP)

Just a short little how Marek feels lately. He wakes up as a captive of Irinevok. He has suffered a lot and has truly changed a lot these past couple seasons. He used to be evil and is now no longer evil, but who believes that…very few and he knows it

I wake up slowly and sit up as I rub my head, I am a captive of that insane mouse. I glace over at the other captive he has, Scioto’s daughter. And I slowly stand and look around.

I then let tears flow as I remember earlier, I should not of ventured out so soon after being injured, but I was always quick to recover from fights or wounds. I was surprised when Irinevok released Reseda and so happy when me and her hugged, the hug felt good and I was lost and let my defenses down and the moment was short lived. The look of pain and the arrow, the arrow in her back and coming out her chest, I caught her and laid her down.

I pleaded for the tears to not come, to go away and I so much wanted her to stay awake, to fight but I knew it was a losing fight. I have seen death and I KNEW. I have cause death and so knew what one’s eyes looked like…she had that look but also one of caring, she loved me and I loved her…Love..a new thing and now it’s lost.

She died, her life ended and it was my fault, I didn’t stop that insane mouse when I had the chance. I feel the tears flow more and I fall to my knees and sob, I CARE NOT if I wake Blisa and she watches me maybe, or maybe she sleeps thought it. I am broken, I am not even sure I want to fight this fight anymore.

What would it matter. Yes Irinevok would be dead and I still want that, I would so enjoy to watch his death…but then..then what?

If Irinevok dies, do the few beasts who claim to trust me..turn on me? The abbey don’t trust me and I don’t blame them seeing the pain and suffering I caused them. Their new Abbot Benar..I respect him, and I thank him for not throwing me out of the abbey, he calmly walked me out and even seemed to wish me a good day. But the abbey gates are closed to me, I can only enter with his permission but I fear he would never give it. I am unsure Lorimis feelings, his death upset me greatly and I remember talks he and I had, words that took a while or me to understand and truly listen to…reading books in the library when I was there for that season.

Beasts hate me, some want me dead..beasts in Mossflower, the abbey and some in Ferravale..I know this. I hope one day to gain more forgiveness, maybe one day to go into the abbey without trouble. One beast..Lillymoore is my friend, least I hope she still is as it was not my fault I left the abbey, I was asked to and I left peacefully and have not even went back to their gates, I stayed in Ferrvale and am even a tavern owner and help Zaram with recorder duties..wonder if I can keep that job after all this is over, it needs over soon that insane mouse needs to die but I fear the fight in me may be gone.

Tears go down my face, I let them flow as I cry openly, Maybe I needed this, I don’t know as I lay down and cry myself to sleep. I fear I have no friends and any I had I lost or will lose. But yes Irinevok needs to go to the dark forest, he needs stopped before he does something even worse…he can’t be let to win even more..he will be stopped even if I die doing it due to serious injuries, that insane mouse will die first and I will do my best to make sure he dies first…..I end up falling into a troubled sleep, sleep is good but this one will have little rest from it.