12.30.08 - To Fill The Hole

Location: Redwall Great Hall and Infirmary

Characters Involved: Harper, Tameus, Zen

Harper inclines his head. "Aye, that's correct. I'm Brother Harper."

Zen smiles softly and squeeks! "Oh, that's.. that's good! Oh.. I.. I hads..a... a. questions to ask!" He smiles at the hare!

"You did, did ya?" Hmmm. Harper starts folding another piece of linen from the basket. "Ask away."

Zen nods and smiles, "Oh.. I... I wasn... a... wantins to know when you becames a novice... how... olders where you?"

Ahhhh. Harper finishes the fold, putting it into the 'done' pile. He rubs absently at his sore neck. "I was... seven seasons?"

Zen blinks a little and sighs... "Aww..." He then fidgets with his tail and thinks to himself, mumbbling a bit..

Harper manages a small grin. "It'll come before you know it, Zen. I promise. You c'n join before seven seasons. I'd say... by five or six seasons."

Tameus descends the steps with a boot in each hand, dangling from the laces. He swings them a little, looking around with his ears stuck up. "'Aaaaarper."

Zen blushes and pouts a little, "I... I wanna... be's parts of the orders nows!!!" He then squeeks and sighs a bit...

Zen Squeeks softly, then hmms... "So..w.. whats it likes, beings parts of the Orders?"

Harper inclines his head. "I c'n understand that. But you might want t'just enjoy yerself. Bein' a Novice is just... lots of chores 'n' classes 'n' things." And! Tameus. He looks around, and up. "Oh. Tammy! Hi."

Harper pauses, tilts his head, and decides he's answered that well enough with the last bit. "The chores thing," is all he says.

Harper asks, "What're you doin' with those boots, Tam?"

Zen blushes and nods his head a little... "Ooh.. I sees... it's nots all that bads..." He then goes back to nibbling on some pepperjack.. Zen loves papperjack.

Tameus trots across the room to his dad, boots swinging, stopping in front of where Harper sits to peer up at his face. "Y' feelin' okay, da'?" Question with a question!

Harper chuckles at Zen. "No. No, it's not. But it's not as fun as bein' a dibbun, either." And - his ears flop. "Not feelin' so great, no. But I'll be okay."

Tameus drops the boots with a somewhat loud 'clunk' on the floor, and gets in closer, hands on Harper's knees. "'re y' sick?"

Harper looks amused. Heh. "A little bit, yeah."

Tameus's brows pinch together at the bridge of his muzzle. "... no. No y'r not sick da'." He says this with conviction, shaking his head.

Zen smiles and trods back to the fireplace, tending to his cheese.

Harper tilts his head to the side. "Why d'ya have such a problem with admittin' folks get sick sometimes, kiddo?"

"'cause y'r /not/. Sick," Tameus insists. He goes to clamber up onto Harper's lap, little hands pressed to his cheeks, his forehead. "Y' don' gotta fever! See! Y'r /fine/!"

Zen smiles softly and watches, then glances downwards and thinks deeply as he nibbles on his cheese.

Well he /does/, actually. He takes hold of the little wrists, bringing Tam's paws down from his face. "It's not gonna keep me from takin' care of you or anyone else, kiddo." He catches Zen's smile - returns it.

"Nn-nn," Tam says stubbornly, shaking his head. "Nno. No. Y'r /not/. Jus'. Listen'a me, da'. Y'r /not/."

Zen blushes a little at a smile, then closes his eyes and lays back, still thinking.

Hm. "Why would it be so bad if I was?" Harper asks. Zen gets an amused glanced. Shy, giggly kid, he is!

"'s not s' bad 'cause y'r /not/," Tam evades, hands curling into loose fists. He stares at Harper's face. "Y'r not. Y'r not sick."

"But what if I was?" Harper persists.

Zen blushes even redder, seems his eyes were not closed after all!

You say, "Y'r not."

"An' y'r not gonn' be. So's .. stop. Stop sayin' y' 're," Tam mutters.

Harper gives Tameus a thoughtful look. "The chills 'n' achiness would seem t'disagree with you, Tam-love." He gently ruffles Tam's headfur. "Catchin' a cold doesn't mean I'm gonna die. It just means I've got the sniffles a little bit."

"Y'r not /sick/!" Tam just about snaps.

Zen fidgets with his tail a bit, secretly watching. He can't seem to stop...

"It's not your fault, either." Harper persists. Just covering all his bases.

Tameus repeats with a very tiny growl in his voice, "Y'r not."

Harper considers Tameus for a long moment. "Last time you said someone wasn't sick, they were."

Tameus says again, "Y'r not sick." He seems to have very little variation right now.

Zen slowly stop nibbling on his cheese, no longer even trying to hide the fact he's watching. He simply stares as if watching the sunset or a fire. Odd little mouse.

"I'm too tired t'go back 'n' forth on this righ' now, Tammy..." Harper sighs, rubs absently at his throat. "I've been workin' in the infirmary all day."

Tameus scowls a little and shakes his head. "... y' know I was there," he says now.

Harper's eyebrows go up. "What?"

"Y' walked righ' pas' me," the leveret says quietly.

Harper looks completely confused. "/When/? Today? What?"

"Las' nigh'," he clarifies. His brows lift. "Were y' talkin' 'bout me t'day too?"

Harper kneads at his forehead, sighing. "I'm not gettin' what you're trying t'tell me, Tam. What does me walkin' past you sometime have t'do with me bein' sick? I walked past you a lot o' times last night." Come on, give him a break. His head is an unhappy little fog right now!

Zen blinks softly, then closes his eyes... thinking again...

Tameus frowns, head angling to the side. He lifts his hands and holds either side of Harper's head, looking at him. "I wen' t' get th' map book an' came back an' y' were talkin'a Siv. So's I stayed there an' listened. I was /there/. I /'eard/. An' y' walked ou' 'gain an' didn' see me there."

Harper's ears twitch, realization hitting. Ohhhh. "I see... Well, m'sorry I didn't see you there." He hesitates. There's something else he's supposed to say, isn't he? What is it? Something about... oh! "You shouldn't eavesdrop, Tammy. It's not polite."

Tameus doesn't respond to the scolding. He considers Harper's face for a moment and asks, "'m I jus' r'placin' y'r oth' kids?"

Harper frowns. "You couldn't replace them anymore than they could replace /you/, Tammy. I love them 'n' I love you. That's the way bein' a parent works."

Zen "s eyes suddenly open up, a paw quickly rubbing over his face, "Er... J... Jen... Jennef...fer... Ugh.. Jennefer..." He blinks and then slowly gets up, looking to head into the kitchen....

Harper looks surprised. He looks around Tameus, to Zen. His brow knits. "Are you all right, Zen?"

Zen seems almost in a bit of a trance, but he nods his head. Something either started to click in his head, or stop clicking. He looks around almost a bit lost and bites his lip, "Uh..d.. d-do you.. know a Jennefer?"

"Bu' that's what.. da'. Da' /listen/," Tam mutters when the attention is taken from him.

Harper shakes his head, slowly. "... No, I don't. Are you sure yer all right? Maybe you should sit down..." His ears twitch and he looks back to Tam. "But that's what?"

Zen blinks and rubs his headfur a little... then closes his eyes, seeming to think again, "I... gotta... where... I gotta finds her... I... just..." He slowly calms down, thinkind harder than ever. "Oh... i... I thinks.. so... ughn." He then blushes deep red! "Oh yea... I is fines.. just.. thought... too muches..."

Harper is looking kinda concerned, here. "Sit down, Zen. By the fire. You look a little faint."

Tameus gives Harper a glaring look and gets off his lap, picking up his boots. "Y'r s'posed t' /listen/'a me, y' know." Zen gets a look also - it's all /his/ fault.

Harper frowns faintly at Tam. "Tammy, be nice. I /was/ listening but Zen's littler than you 'n' if he's not well it's my job to make sure he's all right. You know better."

Zen blinks a little, getting up when hiseyes catch Tameus' gaze. A near chill runs through his spine! He blinks and blushes red, his head pointing downwards as his eyes glance around a bit franticaly over the room. He goes and plops down by the fire, rubbing his paws together and staring at them... such... an odd feeling for the mouse... but he's felt it somewher before..

"'s /y'r/ job t' take care'a /me/ an' that means /listenin'/, 'Arper," Tam responds, a boot in each hand, ears back.

"I was listening, but that doesn't mean ignorin' all else." And with that Harper stands from his chair - which is by the fire - and goes to kneel next to Zen, frowning slightly. "Zen, 're you all right? Really?"

Zen squeeks softly, his eyes rather dialated as a chilling feeling overcomes him, "Ughn.. yea.. I... I'm... better than.a....a... the moon on a.. a.... cloudless night.. just like you always said, right? Ughn.. right?" He blinks, seemingly rather confused, maybe even frightend?

"Yes 't does!" Tameus isn't exactly yelling, but there's conviction in his tone. Loud conviction. "'m s'posed t' be more 'mportan' 'an /anythin'/! So's /listen/'a me, d'mnit!"

Uwah? Harper blinks at the non-sensical... nonsense! He snaps his fingers in front of Zen's face. "Zen... Zen! Snap out of it." At the loud 'conviction', Harper turns a /true/ frown on Tameus. Is that disappointment? Yep! "Tameus, stop it right now." That's a Serious Dad Tone, right there. He turns his attention back to the dazed Zen, with a knit to his brow. "Zen!" he repeats.

Tameus flinches at the look, and wilts. He says nothing, hugging one boot up to his chest as he wanders away, to go sit halfway up the steps and wait.

Zen blinks and shuts his eyes, his paws over his ears, "Ughn.. I.... I... I's... do betters.... ne... ughn... I.. sorries. I.. I..." He slowly shakes his head, then oddly comes out of it.. almost as if he awoke from a bad dream. He blinks and looks around, his breathing high. He then spots Harper by him and blinks a little, "Uh.. I...er... h.... r... I... I think I... I realy.. n... needs... f...to find her... I.. and... has ta.. say sorry I..." He blinks a little, his head still seeming very jumbled up.

Harper watches Tameus go, with a small shake of his head. He looks back to Zen. "Take a few deep breaths, Zen. Who're you lookin' for? Who's... Jennefer?"

Zen starts to breath slower, but then shakes his head, tears strolling from his eyes, "I.. I don't... don't knows but... I... has to finds her... She... she... kno....knows me.. and... I..." He blinks, his face turning red with blush.

Harper slowly stands. "Zen... I want you to stay here and take it easy a bit, okay? I have to go..." He pats Zen briefly on the head, then stands away. He turns, heading for the stairs. He pauses at Tameus, "I'm going back to the infirmary... Do you want t'come up?"

"Y' gonn' listen t' me?" Tam asks. Scowly face.

"I will listen to you, just like I was, but I have t'work too. Just like always." A healer's work is never done! "You c'n help if you want, or just watch. It's up t'you."

"Y' were not," Tam retorts, but gets up from the stairs, and heads up in front of Harper.

Spirits save him from grumpy children when he's sick! Harper contains a sigh and trudges up after him. The last thing to follow him? A teensy tiny cough!

Tameus heads into the infirmary a few steps ahead of Harper. He drops his boots on the floor, gets on a cot, and turns around - standing on it, arms crossed, looking at the Brother. "Now y' gotta listen. I mean 't 'Arper."

Unfortunately for Tam, the infirmary is full o' coughing beasties! Harper trudges in after Tameus, looking around. He bites back a sigh. Why can't healers ever be sick and just cough at people, WHY? "I'm listenin', Tammy." He IS listening. He is also tidying up the countertops, which have been left messy given the increased traffic.

"Siv's not th' /someone/," Tam continues from where he left off. "Y'r mad at 'er cause 'er /someone/ came back an' y'rs didn'. So's she was jus' r'placin' y'r someone. 's that 'ow 't works wit' kids, too?"

Tameus draws a breath. "What /I/ think 's .. y' 'ave me 'cause y' can' 'ave y'r own kids n'more."

Well that's an interesting summary! Fortunately Harper is not looking at Tam when he says it! Or his face would like what 'hurk' sounds. "That's what you think, is it."

Tameus gives a slight nod. "Yes."

"Do you know what I think?" Harper queries.

"No," the leveret mumbles, "what'a y' think?"

"I think you're in a bad mood." HA, that's the understatement of the year.

"'m in a ba' mood cause y' weren' listenin'," Tam says. "'s got nothin'a do wit' what I think. I /thought/ that b'fore y' put me in a ba' mood."

"'sides, y'r not answerin' m' question," he adds.

"I'll answer your question when you stop growling at me," Harper replies while calmly wiping down a surface. Is that mucous? Ewwwww.

"I wann' know if that's 'ow 't works wit' kids. 'cause if 't /is/," Tam mumbles, closing his eyes, "then 'm jus' 'ere til y'r kids come back. Righ'?"

"An' aft' that 'm nothin'," he finishes.

"What would you do if your Da' somehow came back? Would I be 'nothing', then?" Harper asks.

Tameus says, "'e's not. 'e's dead."

Harper nods. "You're not answering my question."

Tameus says, "Y' haft' answer mine firs'."

Harper says, "I am."

Tameus shakes his head. "Y'r askin' 'nother question. That's n' an answer."

Harper shrugs. "It's a kind of answer." He wipes his paws on a cloth, turning now to face Tam. Now really, who do you think has the longer patience?

"Well I a'ready asked two an' y' havn' answered /either/," Tam points out huffily.

Harper crosses his arms over his chest. Waits.

Tameus mimics this gesture. He sits on the bed, legs crossed also, staring at Harper silently.

Hm. Okay! Harper shrugs, turns, continues to straighten.

Tameus says, "Answer."

Harper doesn't saaaaay anything, except, "You're starting to sound growly again."

Tameus says in the sweetest voice he can muster, "Answer please."

Harper says, "You first."

Tameus says, "I asked firs'."

"And yet still - you first." Harper wrinkles his nose at - is that /blood/? Wow, it really /was/ a busy day. Wipewipewipe.

"That's n' fair," the kid mumbles.

Harper's muzzle twitches. "Many things aren't fair. What your accusin' me of isn't very fair, for instance. So I think I'll have the conversation the way /I/ want it, if that's all the same t'you."

Harper says, "So - answer my question. What would you do if yer Da' came back? Would I be nothing t'you, then?"

"'s not all th' same!" Tam quips. Growly again, just a bit. "'s not /fair/ either! .. an' y' can' get mad 't me f' sayin' 't, 'cause /y'/ said 't firs'! Y' said y' don' care who 't is, s' lon' s' 't's /someone/. Y' said 't 'bout Siv an' I wann' /know/. If. Y' mean 't 'bout me too."

Tameus keeps going, his fur prickled a little. "If y' don' care that 's /me/. If y' jus' wan' /someone/. T' be y'r kid. T' fill th' hole!"

Tameus says, "'cause if that's 'ow 't is. .. then fin' someone else."

Hm. Harper doesn't respond for /quite/ some time, wiping at some particularly irksome spot. Hm. "I answered your question, Tam. I told you - I love Micah 'n' Marigold 'n' I love you. You can't replace them, they can't replace you." He tuuuuurns, finally, looks at Tam. "But if you don't want me t'be your Da', that's your choice."

Tameus ducks his head and mumbles toward the blanket of the cot, "Y' lied t' me y' know."

"And how did I do that?" Harper queries.

Tameus says, "Y' said 'more'n anythin'.'"

Harper shakes his head. "I didn't lie."

"Y' did," Tam says. "Y' can' love me more'n anythin' an' love y'r kids th' same."

Harper quirks a brow. "Have you ever had kids before, Tam?"

"Aye. Three." He lifts his brows. "An' th' wife's 'xpectin' 'nother."

Harper's muzzle twitches. He shakes his head ever so slightly. "If you've never had kids before, then how d'you know how lovin' yer kids works?"

"I know 'ow lovin' works," Tam says. "I know when y' love one person /more'n/ /anythin'/. 't means. More'n /anyone/, too."

Tameus says, "I love /y'/ more'n /anythin'/ an' /anyone/. More'n th' whole worl'. Why can' y' love me that way too?"

"I love /my kids/ more than anything, Tam. And your one of my sons." Harper is speaking with the utmost seriousness. He walks over then, kneels before Tam. Catches him with his eyes. "But I can't change that I love Micah 'n' Marigold. I wouldn't /ever/ ask you t'change how you feel about your Brother, or your Mum, or your Da'. It wouldn't be fair. And it's not fair of you t'expect me not t'love Micah 'n' Marigold. It's not something I could do, even if I wanted to. And if they came back, 'n' if they got jealous of the fact that I love you, too? That'd just be too bad for them. Because you can't change who you love, nor should you."

"'m not askin' that," Tam mumbles, staring at Harper - suddenly looking like he's going to cry. "But y' did 't wit' Siv. Y' jus' used 'er t' fill th' hole. I jus' .. I don'... I don' wanna be a hole-filler..."

"Sivaine is /not/ just someone t'fill Flaxpaw's place, Tam." He rests his paws on Tam's shoulders. "Whether you like it or /not/, I love her too." YEAH HE SAID IT, what.

Tameus flinches back and brings his hands up to his face. He's very still like that for a long moment, then shakes his head. A low, low, unhappy sound comes out of him.

"Tell me about your mum, Tam." It's a request, really, not an order. There's a slight upturning of his voice, askance.

Tameus presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and draws a slight, shaky breath. "Sh' died," is what he says.

"When?" Harper questions.

"D'nno," the kid mumbles. "Lon' time 'go."

"You don't remember what your mum 'n' da' were like together, then?" Harper wonders.

Tameus shakes his head.

"That's too bad," Harper says very quietly. "I wish you had. Mums are important t'have. I wish you could meet my mum..." He sighs, thinks a moment. "What would you think about my mum coming here? T'live? Then you'd be able t'meet your Grandmum."

Tameus spreads his fingers and peers up at Harper through them. "... what if sh' don' like me?"

Harper grins. "Not actually possible. She'll love you."

Tameus's nose gives a slight twitch as he considers. "I ne'er 'ad a gran'mum. Didn' really 'ave a mum either."

The little buck's eyes shut and he looks thoughtful still. More talkative, anyway, and his hands lower. "I don' 'ardly r'member 'er. I was .. I don' think I was e'en two seasons yet. Maybe. Maybe two seasons."

Tameus says, "When sh' died."

"I wish you could have known your mum. You know... it was just me 'n' my mum for a while. Your Gran'da, Jarril, he didn't even know about me. Then mum - her name's Angela - she remarried Randall, m'step-dad. I never told you about him, did I? He didn't care much for me. He just put up with me 'cause he had to. But that didn't matter, because my mum was still my mum. She never treated me any different. She was always my mum. But... it still hurt, that she'd marry someone who treated me like tha'. She never did much about it. I don't know why. I guess she just... needed someone." Harper is rambling! His paws squeeze gently on Tam's shoulder. "I would never, not /ever/, let someone treat you like you didn't matter. Not anyone I loved 'n' not m'self, either. You will always matter 'n' I will always care. I will always love you, Tam. That's a promise I will never, ever break. You might not always like how I do things 'n' you might want me t'do things differently, but I will always love you 'n' I will ALWAYS care."

Tameus swallows and looks at Harper, silent for a long while after this. Finally he leans up, curling his arms around the buck's chest as far as they'll go to give him a tight hug, face pressed to the habit, eyes squeezes shut. The leveret stays like this for a long time, not moving.

And finally he mumbles, in a voice that threatens tears, "Y' owe me a lull'by."

Harper stands and lifts all in one movement, bringing Tam up against his chest as he carries him towards the healer dorm. "Siv said something about that, today." He nuzzles Tam, smiling softly. "I /did/ come back last night, Tam. Whenever it's in my ability to come back, I always will." Pause. "But I think I can stir up a lullaby for tonight, too." And in they go!