12.30.08 - Improbable Circumstance

Location: Redwall Cavern Hole

Characters Involved: Sivaine, Harper, Kolya

"..strange eyes you have, then," Sivaine decides. "Get the lenses combined. Get the glasses on a chain, keep them on all the time unless you sleep like an earthquake. You don't need to spend so much." She goes back to her meal meanwhile. It's not food, it's fuel, and her tank is half-empty.

Kolya laughs. "It costs even more to get them Combined than to buy then pairs" he smirks. "But I really should...hmmm" he shrugs, going back to his book.

"One pair - or two? Easier to keep track of than ten." /Soup./ Sivaine focuses on it.

Kolya shrugs. "Dunno...Its been a while since i needed to get new ones..might as well look into at least"

All right, if he was feeling poorly yesterday, he's feeling downright ick today. Harper takes the steps to cavern hole and - looks perfectly neat and tidy! His head is lowered, though, and he heads directly to the fire and drops into a chair with a *flump*. His head is a fog. A fog which ignores all else!

Kolya looks at the Brother who just came in. "Good Morning" he greets with a hms. "Are you okay there?" the stoat asks, thinking Harper looks....Foggy

"Might as we-" Sivaine starts to say, but stills, features sobering. "You might as well," she murmurs, and sips quietly at her tea.

Harper's ears perk, but sluggishly. He presses his palm flat to his forehead, eyes closing. Need he shout so? "I'm fine, Kolya," he mutters.

Kolya glances over to sivaine and nods. "I will then" The stoat then goes back to the Hare. "You dont look fine...Are you sure your okay?"

"Quietly," Harper mutters. Squints one eye at Kolya. "Ask /quietly/..." His eyes rest briefly on Sivaine and then close again. "I've a headache, is all."

Kolya uhs a bit. "I cant be any quieter than that" He says. And its true, his normal voice, is his quietest. Than again, his voice is rather deep and the deeper, SOMETIMES, the quieter..and for him, this is the case. "Perhaps you should go to the infirmary for something for the headache"

She doesn't need to make this worse. Sivaine just continues with her meal, albeit in a subdued fashion. She's nearly done anyway.

"I've already done that," Harper replies tiredly. And then he smirks, "This is me medicated, Kolya." Ha. Haha. He snorts. And then grimaces. Agh.

Kolya ahs slightly. "Poor you then" he smirks a bit, going back to his reading.

"Thank you," Harper muses, "for your concern."

Kolya looks back up. "Dont thank me...its what i do...worry about friends" He chuckles very quietly.

Sivaine is silent. She's very good at it, that unobtrusive fading into the background until she becomes a not-person.

Harper sighs, "There are others in the infirmary catching sick... Whatever Tameus has or had appears t'be rather catching." His eyes briefly open. Rest on Sivaine. Oh, psht. Not-person, sure. "Guard your health the next few days." Shut up, he's doing his job.

Kolya nods. "right-O" he says. "How is tam doing by the way? better I hope" He says. Sivaine and the glasses problem seem to be ignored now...lucky Kol.

Well, she'd probably like to be one. Sivaine's ears angle back a touch as she listens to the conversation - old habits die hard. /Finish,/ mug. How much tea can you possibly hold?

Harper shrugs. "He's still got near-boundless energy... He was feelin' better yesterday. We'll see if it lasts." He perks a brow at Siv at the lack of response. The bit of information was for her sake, who spends a lot of time with Tam. He shrugs at himself, starting to rise.

"Harper," Sivaine says then.

Harper's brow perks a fraction more. The last time she said something like that, it wasn't good. "Siv."

Kolya nods. "thats good." he says. "Least' he's getting better" then he glares at sivaine. then harper. Then Sivper...wait now...Both Siv AND Harper

Sivaine pushes her chair back and stands, looking at him with that solemn, impassive expression. "Did he get his lullaby?" she asks, quiet.

Harper's brow knits ever so slightly. He regards her a long, long moment, before speaking, just a quiet murmur. "I don't see as that's your concern anymore. Maybe it was once, but-"

Kolya looks to harper and whas. "Oookay, I'm going to stay out of this one" he mutters, just watching the two.

"No?" Sivaine murmurs back, eyes half-closed. "He took me by the hand because you weren't there. He wanted a lullaby. I wouldn't give him mine. So he waited for you. The one he loves most, he said."

"We're family, Tam 'n' I. You could have been. But you made a choice." Brow-quirk. "Unless you plan on going about the abbey askin' all the fathers whether they sing their sons lullabies each night?"

Kolya decides to give these two their alone time. The stoat takes his book and heads off quietly, letting the two work out what ever they have to...alone.

Sivaine just arches a brow at him. Then her eyes cut sideways and she smiles self-deprecatingly. "No. I couldn't have been."

"You're a fool if you think that, and I never thought you a fool." Harper's head is pounding, but.

"No, Harper." Sivaine looks at him directly now, and her voice is serious and sincere. "I couldn't have. I- you know, I never got a chance to tell you things."

Sivaine says, "Or I wouldn't. H'n."

"No, I suppose you didn't. But is there really any point in me knowing it now? I doubt it. Just as there was no point to last night. It's like you delight in torturing yourself." He shakes his head ever so slightly.

"And you seem to delight in losing," Sivaine replies. "It's just a story. It explains some things. It's where I come from." She picks up her tray.

"/That/ is one thing I do not delight in," Harper says at his most serious. "Fine. Tell me."

Sivaine looks at him for a long moment, calculating. She glances to the side, purses her lips, looks back at him. "You know we're not really sisters?" she asks lightly.

Harper shakes his head, frowning slightly. "No. I didn't."

"We're half," Sivaine says. "It's just the eyes. And our brother, he was half too. Tell me when you feel a story taking shape."

Harper keeps his silence.

"..all right. I'll be less subtle," Sivaine decides. Her mouth twists to the side while she considers how best to phrase this. "I said I never had a father? I said my mother wouldn't look at me unless I was useful? Replacement /hurts,/ and that doesn't go away as you get older. You don't get over it by forcing the issue. If that was how things worked, I'd have been fine and dandy by my mother's twentieth beau. There's always a scar, even when it fades to a silvery line. It's. Always. There. And maybe later you can find someone and Tam will be all right with it, but right now he needs you. All of you. And I'm not doing to another child, Harper. Not me."

Harper listens to Sivaine's story, quietly. But there's something in his gaze that's not so quiet. He lets the silence draw out for a bit, but eventually, eventually he speaks. "You think you're doing him a favor. You really do, don't you? You're not. You're crippling him, Siv. I'm not your mum! Hell, Siv! Stop projectin' your story onto everyone else. /Normal/ families have a mum 'n' a dad 'n' it doesn't /hurt/ the kids, it /helps/ them. All your doin' righ' now is teachin' him that if he tries hard 'nough, he c'n control everyone 'n' everything around him. /Harm/? /That's/ harm. You have no idea what it means t'be a parent."

"Of course I don't. I have no idea how, not the way I was raised. But I'm not bloody /NORMAL,/ am I?" Sivaine rises up on her toes, and she's tall - it brings her eye to eye with Harper, and she is /glaring./ "I stab owls and spend more time in ruins than real towns and run around with a polearm from a vermin horde, Harper! That's not a mother, that's a freak, and I'll /never/ be normal, I'll always be leaving, there's no /place/ for me here. For that matter, he's not normal either! Normal children don't lose both parents and their brother and get attacked by an owl! Normal childen don't feel they have to save everything! /That's/ why he wants to join the Patrol, /that's/ why he wants to be the best, the Colonel, and the king of the crickets! He's /terrified./" She's shouting now, and she doesn't care. "He can learn the world doesn't work the way he wants later. Everyone does. Do you want me to kiss you and make it all better? Because it won't."

"So... for how long should I treat him like he's broken, then? A season? Two? Three? At what point do I start the work of raising him t'be as normal and happy as can be expected?" Harper queries in a tone that is very quiet next to her shouting.

Harper adds, even more quietly. "/He's/ not /you/, Sivaine."

Sivaine.. sinks. Back to the floor. She keeps a grip on her tray. "Tell me," she says quietly. This isn't a murmur. It's just.. a voice. Her voice, nor a drawl or a murmur or anything else. "You're a healer, Harper. Should I have started with my halberd the minute the splint was off? He needs time. Everything else, normal, but that one thing, that needs time. You can't force a bone to knit to your schedule. But once it has, you work it 'til it's strong."

Oh, Siv. Harper sighs, suddenly reminded of his head and the ache of it. "... But if you take the splint off and don't work the arm at all, if you just say 'no, wait, that hurts'... it'll never heal at all. You'll never have the chance to get to that point, because it will always be weak and it will /always/ hurt." Brow-quirk. "But if you work it, little by little, and give it ice 'n' massage - or, hell, let's just say it - love 'n' care 'n' support, it'll mend all the better for bein' worked on. Your way, with him, 'n' that part of him that's left t'be worked at, it'll just... wither away t'nothing."

Harper shakes his head. "I'm not saying - kiss me, it'll make it all better. I'm just sayin'... oh hell, Siv, I'm just plain sayin' yer wrong." He shrugs, helplessly.

"..and that's not what I'm saying," Sivaine says quietly. "Things hurt. You work them a little at a time until they hurt less and less, but too much and you break it again. So maybe.. he's been your son less than a /month,/ Harper, and.." She looks away and bites her lip. "And you- ... I. You."

Harper shakes his head again, looking pained. "But that's not what you're doing, Siv. If you were to say - fine, let's cool it, give Tameus some time to get used to me, /fine/. But you're not doing that. You're choosing /him/. You're opting out."

Sivaine flicks her eyes up to him. "'Bloody well decide already?'" she asks.

Gently.

Even more gently. "... Stop giving me hope if there is none."

"I d-" Sivaine starts. She turns away. Sets her tray down. Flops back into her chair. "..sit down," she tells him tiredly.

Harper rubs a paw over his face, sighing. He does as asked, sitting once more. "Okay."

"I.." Sivaine starts, then shuts her mouth. She looks steadily at Harper for a long moment, then closes her eyes with a little sigh. "..maybe," she mutters. "Maybe, all right? That's the best I could offer. /Maybe./ I haven't been certain of anything in- I haven't. ..it was getting less maybe." She covers her face with a paw. "I'd be willing to find out where this goes. I'd stay with you. I'd hold off, I'd wait, I'd.. try to make things work. I'd be here. Just."

... Oh. /Oh/. Harper goes very still, like maybe this is some kind of dream - nightmare? - and he's going to wake up. But he doesn't. He... leans forward. Touches the back of her paw with his. "... I'll take maybe." He brushes the back of her paw, then gently goes to lower it from her face. Try to catch her eyes. "I know you can't say it yet, and that's fine. But I love you, Siv, I do, 'n' I'll always stay."

Sivaine winces and flinches back, pulling away as if burned. "/Just,/" she repeats, voice tight. She won't look at him; her gaze skitters off and settles on her empty mug. "'Improbable circumstance.'"

Harper pulls back. "Just," he repeats. "Just?"

"Just." Sivaine sits back in her chair, mouth a thin line. "This isn't supposed to happen," she mutters, brow furrowing. "I don't /get/ second chances. It doesn't work that way. I /don't./ Hh." She looks at him then, and a rueful little smile ghosts across her muzzle. "Except I.. did."

Sivaine says, "I told you I'd hurt you. But I never thought it'd be like this. ..I'm sorry. Harper."

Harper's head tilts. He returns the rueful smile. "I have a thick skin?" Or maybe that's a thick head? Eh, same result!

"Sure," Sivaine says quietly. Her eyes lower, half-lid. Then she releases a breath and looks toward the great hall.

Sivaine smirks humorlessly. "I've no idea how to parent anyway."

Harper grins, a semi-teasing one. "You mean well." But no. He shakes his head. Shrugs. His voice is gentle. "Parenting... it's like a survival instinct. One day your going along in life 'n' you just. Don't need it. Then the next day you find yourself holdin' two identical little babies - or a Tammy - 'n' you suddenly do, so it's either sink or swim. Most swim. You love him, don't you?" It's hard not to love the kid.

"Of course I do." Sivaine's ears angle back a fraction and she rises. "I'll stay out of things," she says quietly.

"Then you'll be fine," Harper murmurs. Watches her stand.

Sivaine says, "You'll want your bow back."

Harper shakes his head. "No. I won't."

Sivaine says, "You ought to."

"If you don't want it, that's fine." Harp shakes his head. "But I'm not taking it back. I gave it to you because I wanted you to have it."

"... Mmh." Sivaine picks up her tray again and starts for the kitchen. She pauses halfway.

Harper starts to rise, himself. Stops when she stops.

Sivaine doesn't turn around. But "Harper," she says.

When is it EVER good when she does that? Agh. "Yes?"

Sivaine looks back at him. "Screw up again and I'm still going to kick your arse."

Harper smirks. "I hear you, Siv." He hears her.

"..h'h." Sivaine looks at him impassively for a long moment. Then she closes her eyes and shakes her head, disappearing into the kitchen.